Transformation – Day 4

It’s a boring title, I know. It really doesn’t tell you anything. But, it’s all I could come up with on the fly. I’ve been working on my transformation for four consecutive days. I began on Saturday, April 2. Today is Tuesday, April 5.

sleep1Once again, I woke up late. My alarm had been set early enough and the second alarm should have jarred me. Instead, I woke up an hour after the first alarm and a half hour after the second. But I couldn’t just roll out of bed and slip into my workout clothes. No. I’m one of those people who has to work my way out of bed. It’s more of a mental tug of war type of thing. I lie there telling myself to get up, but the warmth of my covers and comfort of my pillows keep me glued in position for another five to ten minutes. Then my brain begins to think up excuses to not get up, like: “It’s too late now, might as well just stay in bed until it’s time to get ready for work.” Or “I’ll just take today off from the workout and resume tomorrow.”bed2

But I know myself. If I let today slip, then what would stop me from letting tomorrow slip, and the day after? History has proven this to be my pattern and why my weight has rocketed out of control and my health declined. Then, five more minutes later, I found myself drifting to sleep again. I reached for the lamp and turned it on. The light somehow triggered my brain that it was time to pop into action. I finally managed to crawl out of bed after fifteen minutes of coaxing myself.

Finally at the gym, I engage in the 30 minute workout circuit. Just two days prior, I could only get through half of the circuit before collapsing in full body pain with my heart pumping out of my chest. Today, I completed the entire circuit (Yay!) with lots of sweat and an accelerated but controlled heart rate. I continued with an upper body workout using the weights. By the time I was done, I’d had a full 45-minute workout, dripping with sweat. In just four consecutive days of “movement,” I advanced from only being able to handle 15-20 minutes of a workout (before feeling like death was upon me) to a full 45-minute workout (feeling exhilarated at some point afterward).

lego-man-workoutBut now I’m hungry. Actually, almost nauseous. I let the cold air hit me and I basked in it for a moment. It helped with the nausea. I needed to eat but I told myself I’d wait until I got home. But since I arrived at the gym later than planned and worked out longer than planned, it was much later than I anticipated and I only had fifteen minutes to shower, shampoo and shine for work.

Still hungry and nauseous, I arrived at work, energized. I’m about to eat eggs and turkey to get some protein into my system (along with a healthy dose of coffee — busy day at work). I’m hoping tomorrow, the ritual to get out of bed takes less time .

Leave a comment

Posted by on 04/05/2016 in Uncategorized


Spring Cleaning

friends talkingI participate in a lot of groups on Facebook and LinkedIn. Well, I should say I’m a member of many groups on both social media sites but I engage in just a few of them. I used to participate far more frequently, but as time progressed, I realized that people didn’t seem drawn to my discussions or comments. So, I became increasingly quiet. I’d read the posts and comments, and if I thought I had something valuable to offer, I’d comment. Read the rest of this entry »

Leave a comment

Posted by on 04/04/2016 in Uncategorized


The Road To Transformation

Everybody has something they want to change about themselves. Many times it’s just a wishlist like “if I could, I’d change my nose” or “I’d enhance my boobs” or “I’d get a tummy tuck.” You know, stuff like that. For me, I have no desire to change any of those things — at least not at the moment. My transformation is reshaping my body. Over the past 4 years, I have gained in weight what I wanted to lose in weight. I’ve gone in the exact opposite direction. I don’t know how I did this to myself. I don’t understand why I did this. But now, I have to lose double what I wanted to lose in the first place. That’s quite daunting. Daunting to the point where I frequently give up before I even get started.

The level of commitment required to even make a dent in my weight management goals is frightening. But this weekend, I had a wake-up call. My sister had a heart-to-heart with me. My life has spiraled out of control — not just my weight but every other facet of my life. So, my sister dragged me to Planet Fitness, I enrolled and for 3 consecutive days, I have engaged in a 30-minute workout.

Want to know a secret? I actually like working out, as long as I don’t have to spend too much time doing cardio. Cardio is the thrill-killer for me. Yet, I know it’s a necessary evil.

I’m going to track, on this blog, my transformation as if this spot is my journal. I may not report every day or even every week, but I will report whenever the mood strikes to share. I might even post a picture or two. I’m determined, this time, to lose what I’ve gained and improve my health. I’m determined to be stronger and increase my stamina. I am hell-bent on reshaping my body as I go through this process.

Leave a comment

Posted by on 04/04/2016 in Uncategorized


Wading through shit

The business of publishing takes all the fun out of writing. With all the shit that needs to be done, quite frankly, I’d rather be writing. But I can’t. Because if I don’t do the other stuff, then you won’t hear about my books. And if you don’t hear about my books, you can’t read my books. And if you don’t read my books, you can’t tell other people about my books. Besides, I chose this business — and for the most part, I love it. It’s just that… I’d rather be writing.

Leave a comment

Posted by on 04/07/2015 in Uncategorized


Gifts and Experiences (Second Half Challenge #5)

#5 – What gifts and experiences am I most thankful for?

Once you’ve hit your fifth decade in this world, there have been lots of lessons, experiences and discoveries (hopefully). Certainly this is true in my case. As I reflect, these are the gifts and experiences I am most thankful for.


  • Marriage. My friends would argue that I’ve had more than my fair share of marriages and that perhaps I should shy away from it in the future. I am three times married and divorce but I am thankful for each of those marriages. Each one taught me a lesson in love, compromise, sharing and diplomacy. They also taught me a lesson (each one a different lesson) in self-love and self-respect.
  • Motherhood. Thanks to my second husband, I have been able to experience one of the most rewarding roles of my lifetime: Mom. I’ve had some proud moments and some shameful moments as I navigated the waters of being a single parent. Nobody can do it all and something gets dropped/lost in the process. Despite my missteps and mistakes, my kid still managed to grow up into a smart, thoughtful, gentle, caring soul with a strong head on his shoulders. So, maybe I didn’t do too bad.
  • Basic Training (Boot Camp). I’m a U.S. Air Force veteran. After going through basic training, I knew that I was capable of doing anything I put my mind to doing. I felt invincible. Some claimed that basic training wasn’t that tough. But for me, having joined at the age cutoff, just before my 28th birthday, I had the opportunity to enjoy life as a civilian worker, climb the ranks, deal with the chain of corporate command. Never had I ever been stripped of my individuality and barked at toe-to-toe on a daily basis. It, for me, was a stripping down and a rebuilding of myself.


  • Writing. I’m a writer. I’m a published author. I’m a poet, too. I also write articles, short stories, content, business communications…. you get the picture – I write. It comes to me naturally, as if it were a part of my DNA coding. I never have to work hard at it. I’ve never had to study it. I don’t even have to think about it. Although, the older I get, the more atrocious my spelling.
  • Compassion and Mercy. I’ve been accused of being a pushover, a bleeding heart, and in some cases a door mat. Now, the people who have called me a door mat are those people who were the worst abusers of my kindness. They don’t have the capacity to recognize an innate capacity for compassion and mercy toward other living beings/things. I don’t even like killing insects and spiders. I’d rather capture them and release them in the outdoors if they are inside. I will, however, swat to death a mosquito. They’re just bloodsuckers.
  • Empathy. I can feel what you feel the moment you feel it. If you fall and scrape your knee, somehow, my knee hurts too. If your boyfriend cheated on you, somehow my heart is broken too. And in rare instances, I could awaken out of my sleep and call a friend because I felt her weeping, only to learn something terrible had happened. If I listen to it and respond to it, my life would be much fuller. Unfortunately, I mostly brush it off and think I’m just being a “pushover” or “worrying too much” or “thinking too much.”

I’m still learning new things about myself now that I’m not being wife or mother, or child, or sister, or employee. I can just learn to be “me”.

Leave a comment

Posted by on 04/06/2015 in Uncategorized


Commuting 101

The morning commute is stressful enough without having to deal with people who don’t seem to give a damn about his/her fellow commuters. Personally, I thought these things were common sense, but perhaps they aren’t. So, here’s a little lesson in commuting to help make everyone’s trip a little less stressful.

Be still. When the bus/train is crowded and you’re packed in like sardines, don’t do anything that forces your elbows into the body of the person next to you, behind you or seated where you’re standing.

Cover your damn mouth. Nobody wants your germs, to smell your bad breath, or see your tonsils.

Be polite. Please and thank you go a long way. Use those words, please. Thank you.

Don’t flick your lint or bodily excrements in the direction of other passengers. That’s your nastiness. We want no part of it.

Bathe/Shower. Or at the very least, do a ho-bath. Nobody wants to smell your funk for an hour.

Boiled eggs smell like a bad sewage situation. Don’t eat them on the bus/train.

Put lids on your liquids. Nobody wants to wear your drink you were too careless to handle properly.

Commuting can be bumpy. We all understand it. But if you step/stand on someone’s foot, fall on their lap, hit them in the the head with your backpack, apologize. It’s the right thing to do.

Backpacks. Take them off. Please. Nobody wants to get hit in the face by your overstuffed backpack because you weren’t courteous enough to take it off.

Have your freakin’ fare ready. Nobody wants to stand in the cold/rain/snow/heat waiting on you to get your act together.

Get off the damn phone. We don’t give a shit about your personal life. Save that for when you are in private, or at the very least, away from so many people.

A few others chimed in and added the following:

Put on your makeup at home not on the bus/train. Your powder residue ends up on our clothes. And the motion, in a crowded environment, means you’re elbowing someone.

Brush your hair at home. Nobody wants your strands of hair in their coffee or on their clothes.

Pet hair. Use a lint brush. Nobody wants your pet on their coat/clothes because you rubbed against them on a crowded bus/train.



Posted by on 03/24/2015 in Uncategorized


Hopes, Dreams and Fears (Second Half Challenge #3)

I’ve spent so much of my life caring about what people think of me, making sure I fall in lock-step with the flock, trying to achieve all the things the American dream says we should strive for: Marriage, family, house, car, pet, corner office.  And, admittedly, I achieved all of those things and more. I didn’t just get married, I married three times. I didn’t just have a family, I had blended families. I didn’t just have a house, I had a five-bedrrom, four bathroom, four thousand square-foot house in one of the most sought after subdivisions. I didn’t just have a car, I had a Land Rover, a Mercedes Benz, a Volvo. And my corner office had the label Executive Director/CEO on the door.

Despite living the so-called American Dream, I felt like I was living someone else’s life — not my own.  I worked really hard to get where I was and I worked even harder to remain where I was. But one day I said a prayer — just one simple prayer — and my world came crashing down. I lost everything — not because of the prayer (at least I hope not) but because the economy collapsed and I had lost my job just as the recession began. One-by-one, I watched everything I had worked for, all the things I had acquired, diminish, disappear — fall from my grip.

What a freakin’ relief!!

Finally letting go of all of that stuff: the title, the things, the image, lifted such a weight off of my shoulders. That’s when I realized holding on to the American Dream was controlling my life. I wasn’t in control — the image, the ideals, the need to be on top, controlled me.

So, as I have entered the second half, I am redefining what my hopes and dreams are. I am evolving. I’m still not quite sure what it all looks like for me. But one thing I know for sure, if “it” drains me of my freedom to just “be”, then it isn’t for me.

Leave a comment

Posted by on 03/21/2015 in Uncategorized